We have already entered the second month of the new year! Seven years ago around this time I finished the Camino de Santiago, a long journey with a lot to let go of.
This article is a follow-up to this post and is part of a series on getting more confident in the flow of life.
This week I am going to pay a parking fine and, because it has been issued here in the small village, I have to go to the town hall in person to queue up with my piece of paper. I have decided to accept this fine without any grumbling, which is a big difference from who I was years ago. I who would stand at that window grumbling and being angry. At myself and at the other person.
Not this time. Despite it being a small fortune for me, I let it go.
"Be grateful for the things you throw away. By giving gratitude, you close the relationship with the thing, and by doing that, it becomes a lot easier to let go." - Marie Kondo
Why can I let go? That's a good question. In my research on the worldwide web, I read that letting go is mostly trust. But as you read my other posts in this series, I think letting go is also part of gaining confidence. Feel it for yourself if you like: being able to let go requires something more to happen inside than just 'simply' trust.
Letting go requires looking my fears in the eye (something I explored in the first article). And for that, I have to be honest with myself and take the responsibility that is mine.
Letting go has to do with acceptance. Accepting that you cannot change something or that you no longer need something, makes it easier to let go.
Letting go, in my opinion, is only possible when you can let go in gratitude. When, by being grateful, you see the richness of what you have, you can let go of what you don't get or what you no longer need.
And that means that truely letting go can only happen in love.
Letting go also has to do with detachment. If I no longer care about something, it doesn't matter if I have it or not. Detachment gives a feeling of liberation and I experienced that on the Camino, among other things:
“Too Heavy, “ was the first thing I thought when I hurt my knee on day two. I had to get rid of even more stuff, even though I had already left a lot behind at the starting point. Still, I had to cut down on the weight if I wanted to finish the Camino.
So I left all sorts of things here and there. A kilo of organic Dutch cheese, a block of Afghan soap, the extra shirts, trousers and some books. So that I could bring more water and food for the road and less....
Nonsense.
"Effective tidying up involves just three essential actions. All you need to do is take the time to examine each item you own, decide whether you want to keep it and then choose where to keep it." - Marie Kondo
The ironic thing was that despite leaving more crap behind, I still didn't feel like my backpack was getting lighter.
Until, at one point, I was walking alone. Really all alone. Not just on the trail, but also in the hostel and in the restaurant. Which had its plus points. I had twenty-five blankets to myself, there was no long queue for a hot shower and I could even walk around i my eve costume if I wanted to.
Only shortly after the frenzy in which I had left my life in America, being alone brought me time for reflection, time for healing, time to let the pain, in my body and in my mind. It brought me silence to look honestly at the lies of my past. The lies I had told, myself and to others. Lies I had heard and believed.
I found out that letting go is actually quite simple. All I had to do was jump into the depths of my own heart, look around there in all honesty and decide what I wanted to keep and what not.
And that was the moment when, as I in the morning walked out of the hostel with my backpack, I thought I had forgotten something. Because it felt Too Light.
And I never lost that feeling for the rest of the Camino. Not even when I received all kinds of gifts. A warm jumper from the owner of an inn, extra socks to walk with fewer blisters, a shirt from the 'lost and found' basket, a talisman for a safe journey and, of course, extra food.
The nonsense was out, the good could go in and in doing so, it didn't matter how much it was. The good is portable, it doesn't bother me and it doesn't put any weight on my shoulders. And with the right walking buddies even more good turned out to come because, quite mysteriously, the pain in my knee also appeared to disappear.
So there is such a thing as Release Time, because the moment I started finding my backpack Too Light, I had already been on the road for about 30 days. Lao Tse, a Chinese philosopher from 600 BC understood this all those many years ago, when he said that if you want to let go of something, you first have to grasp it for a moment. I think he meant that before you can let go of something completely, you have to take a moment to look at it, look at it, honour it and thank it. And that applies to pain and emotions, but also to something like money for a parking fine. Because truly letting go only succeeds with integrity and respect for that which you let go.
Yet in order to trust the flow of life more, I had to let go of one of the most difficult things: the feeling of safety. The fear of not being safe sits deep inside, our entire society is steeped in it. I discovered that we look for this security in the wrong place. Where you do find it, I explore in my next post in this series, which is about Being.
In Intermediate Time, I leave you with Nelson Mandela, who I think knows very well what letting go is:
"Letting go does not mean stopping caring for,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
Letting go is not about restricting myself,
it is the realisation that I cannot control another person.
Letting go is not making it impossible,
but allowing to learn from natural consequences.
Letting go is admitting powerlessness,
which means that the outcome is not in my hands.
Letting go is not trying to change or blame another,
I can only change myself.
Letting go is not caring for, but giving to.
Letting go is not solving, but being supportive.
Letting go is not judging, but allowing another to be human.
Letting go is not taking centre stage and controlling outcomes,
but allowing others to influence their own outcomes.
Letting go is not protecting,
it is allowing another to face reality.
Letting go is not denying, but accepting.
Letting go is not whining, cursing or arguing,
but discovering my own shortcomings and correcting them.
To let go is not to conform everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish the moment.
Letting go is not criticising and regulating anyone,
but trying to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but growing and living for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more."
Liefs,
Daphne
In the next post of this series on trust, I delve into the theme of Being. If you want to make sure you don't miss my latest posts, subscribe via the button below: