It's a matter of being
If you want to learn to trust life, then "to be" is one of the most powerful things you can do. The most famous quote from one of Shakespeare's plays is "To be, or not to be, that is the question." Why this is such an important question, I explore in this article.
This article is part of a series on getting more confident in the flow of life.
When I decided to write this post about 'being', I only realised how wide-ranging this theme actually is. Because where on earth was I supposed to start? After all, being can be done in so many ways.
"I am not lost because I know where I am. But where I am can just be lost." - Winnie the Pooh
I can be where I am. This is a physical place on earth, with which I can have a deep connection.
Then I can also be in time. With my thoughts, I am often in the past or the future, but actually I only have control over the Now.
And then there is the person I can be. This is my body, but also my character traits, my thoughts and feelings.
All these types of 'being' deepen through attention. By observing the environment with attention, I am more present in the place. By being mindful of the moment, I am more present in the now. By feeling my body with attention, I am more present in myself.
Now you may be wondering, Daphne, what does 'being' have to do with gaining confidence? I'll tell you, mindfully 'being' is one of the most powerful things you can do to learn to trust in life.
"Forget about safety. Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be infamous." - Rumi
We have learned to seek trust mainly outside where we are, outside the moment we are living in, outside ourselves. So how does that come about?
According to Daan Heerma van Voss, fear is the keynote of our society. And that is not so strange. It is, as it were, in our blood. After all, it is instilled in us from an early age. For centuries, we have learned that keeping ourselves small, adapting and fitting in is the only way to be safe. We make ourselves submissive, to another, to the greater good. To do otherwise, open your mouth or stand completely on our own two feet is scary.
When I returned from America with only two suitcases and a backpack, I felt a freedom in having nothing left. No house, no relationship, no job, no car. I decided to experience where life took me if I did what my heart told me.
But of course I wanted to be in full control of that. So I decided to volunteer 'safely', in Spain, with a Dutch family. I dared to do it because I had a 'safe haven' in the Netherlands and my savings seemed sufficient to travel around this way for a while.
I felt safe, which made it easy to trust the life I chose. But after two Dutch volunteer spots, I had no choice but to either go home or throw myself into the deep end and just see who I ended up with. There was something in me that felt returning, looking for a home and finding a job was not an option. So I chose the latter. I ended up in places that did me more bad than good and I saw my savings disappear like snow in the sun.
During the conflict between my gut, which told me to keep going on the path I was on, and my fear, which cried out for safety by taking a steady job, for example, I ended up finding one of the most powerful places to truly BE. By seeing and accepting my fears, they quieted and I found....
My Essence.
"There is a place in the soul where you have never been wounded." - Meister Eckhart
I found my essence just somewhere below my belly button, some call it the seat of the soul, others the gut feeling, others intuition. The name doesn't really matter, it is a quiet place deep inside me, where it is always okay, where everything is balanced and where I am always safe.
The annoying thing is, I only get there by descending, with attention, to the darkest depths of myself. Where I have stored my lies, along with my unaccepted quirks and my most painful feelings. In other words, I must dare to be fully who I was, am and will be. For that, I have to radically accept this dark side of myself.
"Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light." - Brene Brown
We are not used to descending to these depths. This Hindu legend from India proves that it is an 'issue' that has existed for centuries. That we humans never seek greatness within ourselves, but outside ourselves.
But that is precisely where my strength lies.
As it turned out, much of the nonsense in those dark depths did not even appear to be mine. My essence was covered with ideas, behaviours and opinions of others. About myself, about the world, about how things should be.
And that's why 'Being' is one of the most powerful things you can do to learn to trust.
Because by radically being myself and thus knowing my essence, I developed a trust in myself, my feelings, my intuition, my heart.
I am no longer so quick to seek security outside me, through affirmation from others and being submissive to others' ideas.
The key to trust is my Inner Security. Through a place inside me, where I can always go, my Inner Temple.
By autonomy and sovereignty .
A knowing that I am unique in the universe, that I am worthy of being the way I am and that there is no debate about that.
The sage Rumi is right when he says that everything from the universe is also in me. I can ask anything, really anything of myself. Myself, that's all I need in this world.
If that is not a safe feeling...
I could talk about 'being' for ages but if you want to delve further into this topic yourself, I can give you a few tips.
What you can do:
Breathe. According to Eastern science and yoga, the breath is the carrier of Qi, the life force. Breathing more attentively brings you closer to yourself.
Dance. EcstaticDance, for example, is a form of dance where you learn to listen to your body and dance according to the promptings you receive. Sabrina from Rewilding for Women also uses movement and sound for deepening into your body via knowing your darkest sides.
Swim. If you want to discover your own power, go for a swim in ice-cold water every day for a month. You will be amazed at your own fire.
What to read:
Brene Brown wrote several books on discovering your essence.
Bethany Webster talks about sovereignty, which you discover by being a good parent to your own little self.
Eckhart Tolle talks about the power of the Now.
If you really want to go deep and explore sovereignty compared to society, read the book of Jeremey Locke.
In the next post, I go a step beyond Being and delve into the theme of Connection. That will be the second-to-last post in this series. If you want to make sure you don't miss my latest posts, subscribe via the button below.
See you then!
And in the meantime,
be unashamedly yourself.
Love,
Daphne