Follow your Joy
This is my last article in the serries about confidence
If you ask me why joy has to do with confidence, I can be very brief and explain it to you in a few sentences, give you a link and recommend a podcast. But there is so much more to discovering joy and I got to experience and learn that on the Camino.
This article is a follow-up to and the last part of a series on getting more confident in the flow of life.
From the second day on the Camino de Santiago, my biggest struggle was immediately a physical one. I thought I was strong enough, healthy enough to make that long trek. But from the start, my right knee gave out. After a painful few hours of walking, I ended up in the hostels. From there I stumbled to the supermarket, the bar, the kitchen, the bathroom, my little spot in the bunk bed.
"Enchantment is not about magical thinking; it is about being fully present in the world." - Sharon Blackie
One moment I was on the verge of giving up. There, on a red dirt road, where there was no seat without getting a wet bum. No other pelgrims to catch up and no one to help me through. I was done with it. I was done with the intense pain. I grabbed my phone to call for help and ... No reception!
I was at a little hippy picnic spot, which in summer would probably be full of hikers. But today it was as lonely and empty as I was. I dropped my bag. Went into the bushes to pee and started chewing on my one-day-old bread. There I was, sitting by myself.
With pain. But no help.
It was time to stand on my own two feet, and I couldn't do it! I just couldn't go up or down. I couldn't even get out of there. I was stuck. I was crying. What was I doing there? Why was it such a struggle when I wanted this so badly? I had been dreaming of this walk for years. My path to freedom. My path to balance. And now I was there and I couldn't do it? Why? Why on earth could I not do this?
"Blessed are those who see beautiful things in humble places, where others see nothing." - Camille Pissarro
I picked myself and my backpack up again and walked painfully down the straight dirt path. Walking from break to break, at the end of the 10 kilometer long road, in a small magical spot in the forest, I found a stone covered in moss. Time to rest, check the reception and....
There it was!
Two thin lines and a 4G. Shall I? Shall I call a helicopter to come and pick me up.
"How are you?"
I broke down. Out of nowhere, I had a razor-thin connection with a friend. There on that stone in that little miracle, I discussed 'stop' or 'keep going'. Until, from deep inside, through the tears and sobs, came a loud roar. The powerful feeling to above all Not Give Up. To walk on and connect with the path.
To 'be' exactly there. On that stone. On that spot. With that wet butt. With that old bread, that small piece of leftover cheese and that backpack with my only possessions of seven kilos.
Being there and, once and for all, enjoying it.
I want to do this? Then I have to commit. I want to do this? Then I have to be there. I want to do this? Then why am I not enjoying the road?
I had wanted this for a long time and I felt it in my heart, my bones, my gut that this was the moment why. I was on a third of the Camino and I could see why.
I needed to learn to Connect, Belong and Enjoy.
On that day, I made a commitment and a promise. Not with my head. Not with 'what others think I should do'. But with my heart. I very much wanted to do this, then I had to do it my way. That way I didn't know, but the pain would help me find it.
Help me enjoy it.
So as soon as I saw a spot I liked, with a beautiful view, in a nice town, in a cute corner, I stopped and made contact. With myself, with the place, with the path.
There where I sat down by a road for a little lunch, with no one around except beautiful colours. There where I had never been and might never be again. There I felt that enjoyment came from belonging.
And what the word 'belong' from my previous post actually consists of:
Be long (stay long)
Be longing (longing)
And for me that explains a lot about pleasure, can you sympathise?
"Let the wild in me take the fears in you on an adventure" - Erin Van Vuren
Pleasure comes from curiosity. When I approach a situation with a positive and open feeling, i.e. with curiosity, I already feel an itch of pleasure. I go exploring like a small child.
I go on an adventure. Curiosity makes discovering a new situation or a new place feel like a great adventure. What am I going to discover down there?
And then when I come across something beautiful, it can enchant me, as if it were a fairy tale. It enchants me in such a way that it grabs me and doesn't let go.
Excitement. I feel the excitement. And that doesn't even necessarily have to be sexual excitement, but also, for example, just enthusiasm with a little extra. And I feel that in my belly.
Joy I feel in my belly. Indeed. It is where I find my own fire and where my big roar came from. And where I find my authentic self. Joy is very close to my own self. But joy is therefore also very close to pain. And that is precisely the trick.
"I found humility in destruction; and out of the ashes of an imagined future, often grew new and the already present pleasure." - Jeff Foster
I let pain be my path to a more beautiful experience of the Camino. I felt my pain, I gave in to it and I enjoyed where I was. Had I not done that, I would have finished faster, but I would have finished it as a race.
Like an obligation.
It sounds so weird, finding joy through your pain, but look at a tree. It too can only grow as high as its roots are deep. There in the darkness of the earth, a tree finds its strength. I also found my strength and after almost four weeks of walking in pain, it was suddenly gone.
Then you probably wonder, what does that have to do with having faith in life?
Then I say Magnetism.
If I smile at someone, they smile back. If I enjoy what I do, it only becomes more fun. This is the universal law of attraction.
And this law assumes that everything is connected.
"So up, so down, so in, so out, as the universe, so the soul." - Hermes Trismegistus
This law assumes that my thoughts are energies that I send out into the world and can create matter. That what I think is what I see in the world and what I think is what I am presented with in life.
And so I had better think positively. And Joy can help me do that.
Joy is a high-frequency energy. If you feel joy then the sun naturally starts shining, you see the world a lot more positively. And if you see the world more positively then you automatically get more confident, because like Joseph Campbell says: "Follow your bliss, and the universe will open doors where before there were only walls."
So how do you follow your bliss?
First, accept your lows as a starting point of finding more fun. That's not how it went well, how can it get better.
If things don't go well for a while, try to see the bright spot in the situation. What are the positive things this moment can bring you.
Make sure you create some space more often and do what you enjoy. That way, not everything feels like a 'must do'.
Dwell on a beautiful moment and breathe it in, so to speak.
They don't say for nothing that happiness is in the little things, look for them!
Cherish what you already have, even if you have already become so used to it.
But above all, be curious, go on an adventure, be enchanted and don't be shocked by your own excitement!
This was the last post in the series on confidence. I enjoyed writing all seven of them. Did you also enjoy reading them and what did they bring you? I'd love to hear about it!
Love,
Daphne
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